Friends for Life
—Joyce Brothers
Even though “friend” is a term of endearment used to describe many people in our lives, we often have a hard time knowing what the term means. Psychologists identify friends as those who accept each other, confide in each other and feel responsible for each other.
In our transient cultures, we depend more on friends for things we once got from families-emotional support and often even financial help. With so many people living away from their families, and so many people single into their thirties, friends provide essential companionship.
Friends can occur any place-even (surprise!) in a marriage. This was the case with me. I met and fell in love with Milton Brothers at university. He became my husband soon after, and we were together 39 years-until he died at the age of 62.
He was my best friend, and I still miss him desperately. Since he died, my sister, with whom I fought fiercely when we were younger, has
become one of my best friends. And I’m also very close to my only daughter, Lisa
Friends ranks with marriage and kinship as one of the most important relationships in our lives, yet it can be the most neglected. Friendship outside familial ties or marriage plays such an important role in life because with a friend, we can be the person we want to be. Their acceptance affirms that self and lets us develop as individuals.
We make no vows to a best friend, yet we have unstated expectations: understanding, caring, concern. We expect a friendship to last.
Most of us have been making friends since childhood, so we tend to think the process is instinctual. Then we find that the heart of friendship-how to make the relationship blossom, grow and survive-requires more attention and skill than we thought. To Ralph Waldo Emerson, “the only way to have a friend is to be one.”
Becoming friends involves a process of sharing, a gradual relaxation of vigilance over what partners reveal to each other about themselves. Friends must learn to balance the inclination to be open with the need to be protective of each other’s feelings. A best-friendship gets out of balance when the intensity becomes too one-sided. Total disclosure isn’t what makes intimacy in a relationship; it’s the listening and sharing.
Increasing numbers of people are finding that gender doesn’t matter when it comes to friendship, as the sexes mingle more often today.
Making friends with someone of the opposite sex can be an eye-opening experience. Michael told me what he discovered: ”I was working on the assembly line with Marcia, just as I would with a guy. And she kept pointing out how patronizing I was, offering to do the work for her because I felt she was less capable.
Then Michael realized he was hearing the same complaint from his girlfriend. So he invited Marcia out for a beer and they talked. “I learned about today’s women from her. What I knew about women I’d learned from my father. I was a generation behind the times. Now I’m married to the girlfriend I had when I met Marcia, and I’m indebted to her for that. She and I are still good friends. Marcia and my wife are friends, too.”
Can you fix a broken friendship? If you feel a close friend has hurt you, it’s worthwhile to sit down and say, “If I didn’t care about you, I’d just shrug my shoulders and go my own way. But since I do care, I’d like to straighten this out.” Then calmly talk about what has happened. You might find it’s just a misunderstanding.
I can’t say I headed a broken friendship with my sister-our sibling rivalry was nothing unusual. But since Milton died, she and I found each other again, and it means a lot to me. The longer I live, the more important it is to feel connected. And that is what we do through friends.
Near the end of his battle with cancer, Milton sent me to see our new grand-daughter. I held her and kissed her for both of us. When I told
Milton I’d done this, he said, “I’ll always be with you, because part of me is in her, in each of our grandchildren.” He died a day or so later. I have four grandchildren now, and what Milton said is true. I take them, one by one, on adventures all over the world, and each time I find new friendships. And Milton, my best friend, is always with me.
endearment: n.表示爱慕的话语；亲热的表示
term: n.专业词语；术语；措辞
1. Psychologists identify friends as those who accept each other, confide in each other and feel responsible for each other.
Paraphrase: Psychologists regard friends as those who accept each other, trust each other and be responsible for each other.
心理学家将朋友定义为彼此接受对方，相信对方并对彼此负责的人。
Identify…as: to find out exactly what sth. is 把…确认为…
transient: adj.短暂的；片刻的；转瞬即逝的
companionship: n.伙伴关系; 友情,友谊
2. In our transient cultures, we depend more on friends for things we once got from families-emotional support and often even financial help. Paraphrase: In our cultures in which things change quickly, we get more things from friends, like emotional support and even financial support, which we got from families before.
在这个瞬息万变的时代，我们更加依赖朋友，从朋友处获得一些以前我们从家人那儿得到的东西，比如说，情感支持，甚至经济援助。
desperately: adv.极其; 绝望地; 不顾一切地,拼命地
rank: v.分等级; n军衔, 职衔; 地位; 社会阶层; 排; 横列; 行列
kinship: n.亲属关系; 亲切感
neglect: v.忽略; 不予重视
familial: v.家庭的,家族的.
affirm: v.肯定(某事)属实; 申明; 断言
3. Friends ranks with marriage and kinship as one of the most important relationships in our lives, yet it can be the most neglected.
Paraphrase: Friendship, together with marriage and family relationship, is one of the most important relationships in our lives, but sometimes we overlook it and pay very little attention to it.
友谊, 同婚姻和亲情一样，是我们一生中最重要的关系之一。
vow: n.(尤指宗教的)誓言,誓言
tend to: 趋向,走向,倾向,趋于
instinctual: 本能的(而非习得)的
blossom: v.变得更加健康(或自信，成功)
4. Then we find that the heart of friendship-how to make the relationship blossom, grow and survive-requires more attention and skill
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